"SHUT UP, CRIME!!" is the awesome catch-phrase of our "hero," The Crimson Bolt, in the new addition to a forming trend of anti-superhero movies following such others as Defendor, Special, and the disappointing Kick-Ass. Rainn Wilson is Frank. A painfully pathetic loser who finds out that his ex-junkie wife (Liv Tyler) has willingly left him for a cock-of-the-walk super-cool drug-dealing Kevin Bacon. After finding it impossible to cope, Frank finds inspiration in a terrible low budget TV hero named The Holy Avenger on the Jesus Network and decides that it's time to don a DIY superhero costume and start fighting crime with nothing more than a pipe-wrench. Along his crusades, he picks up a psychotic kid sidekick named Boltie (Ellen Page). The rules were written long ago; You don't butt in line, you don't key cars, and YOU DON'T MOLEST CHILDREN! This is definitely my new favorite of the average-Joe wannabe-hero movies I listed above because it does, by far, the best job of making you cackle and cringe, all at the same time. Not only did the comedy have me soggin up my manties, but it's got a lot to offer in the aspect of gore too. James Gunn (Slither) creates a perfect mesh of dark humor and cracked-skull, exposed-brain-fragment ultra-violence. You've probably never heard of it, I never saw it advertised anywhere, but you gotta take Ol' Uncle Adam's word for it, kids. This flick is the motherfuckin bees knees. I can't think of a single thing that I disliked about it. It had my vag drippin for hours after having seeing it and I'm sure yours will too if you're not one of those Hollywood-vomit lovin Avatard support-spoon-feeder assholes that buys tickets to awful regurgitations of giant alien robots or defamations of classic cartoons. This here's one a'dem big-boy movies. Check your panties at the door. I slap a 9/10 on this one.
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